tweedymcgee:

A pair of Homestuck poem parodies, starring Karkat and Eridan!

These are based on A.E. Housman’s famous poem, “A Shropshire Lad,” and Hugh Kingsmill’s almost-equally-famous parody of it, “What, Still Alive At Twenty-Two?”

(Housman’s poem was widely parodied. Ezra Pound even had a whack at it. But Kingsmill’s was the best.)

Without further ado:

WHEN I WAS ONLY SEVEN SWEEPS
 I HEARD SOME FUCKASS SAY
‘GIVE COIN AND PAPER SPECIE
 BUT NOT YOUR SPONGE AWAY;

GIVE OSTENTATIOUS MINERALS
 BUT KEEP YOUR QUADRANTS FREE.’
BUT I WAS ONLY SEVEN SWEEPS,
 NO USE TO TALK TO ME.

WHEN I WAS ONLY SEVEN SWEEPS
 I HEARD HIM SHOOT HIS FLAP,
‘THE JUICE THAT DRIVES THE BLOODPUSHER
 IS MIGHTY PRECIOUS SAP;

‘TIS DRAINED WITH ENDLESS CURSING
 AND CLOTTED UP WITH RUE.’
AND NOW I’M EIGHT SWEEPS OLD, YOU SHITS,
 AND IT IS *FUCKING TRUE.*

*****

wwhat still alivve at eight swweeps old
an such a fancy fuckin troll
sure if youre too tough to drowwn
go on an cut your moirail dowwn

im guessin youll be pretty mad
wwhen they come to cull you lad
but plantsap aint the only pith
a sickle looks good drippin wwith

so wwhen the sun upends its pail
an pours wwhite light dowwn every vvale
trolls wwho still got grubleg scars
wwill lick their clawws an think a kar

I figured I’d post the all-important link without all the other update-y stuff for your reblogging convenience.

Detective Pony, Chapter 1

Long story short for people who don’t follow me: I’m sonnetstuck, I’m editing all of Detective Pony, and this is the first chapter. Let me know what you think by sending me a message! (Also, my blog’s pretty cool, so you should check it out.)

-submitted by anonymous