Sonnetstuck
CATSxHomestuck: Dualscar’s Last Stand

by ~QuaxoRascal
(If known, to be sung to the tune of “Growltiger’s Last Stand”)


DUALSCAR was a seadweller, who lived upon a ship;
In fact he was the roughest troll outside the Empress’ grip.
From rustbloods up to indigos he gave trolls tremb’ling knees,
Rejoicing in his title: “Scourge of Alternian Seas.”

His manner and appearance calculated to spread fear;
His gold rings tapped together so loud ev’ryone could hear;
His pointed cape was fright’ning, no need to explain why,
And he scowled upon the hostile world with piercing purple eyes.

The peasant-bloods and monarchy knew something of his fame,
The green- and mustardbloods alike both shuddered at his name.
Trolls would lock up all the lusii and keep the wrigglers down,
When the rumour rang along the shore: DUALSCAR’S COME TO TOWN!

Woe to the weak three-sweep-old, that fled their guardian’s flank;
Woe to the pampered landdweller, that left the ocean’s bank.
Woe to the bristly lowblood troll, that lurks on high-class ships;
And woe to all lusii with whom Dualscar came to grips.

But most to SPINNERET MINDFANG, his hatred had been vowed;
For the MARQUISE, he was pitch black, no other was allowed.
In his black and red quadrants both he figured she should be—
But a new slave with myst’ry blood kept her pity from he.

Now one peaceful equinox night, all nature seemed at play,
The vibrant moons were shining bright, the ship at the docks lay.
All in the neon moonlight it lay rocking on the tide—
And Dualscar was disposed to show his temperamental side.

In a room aboard her vessel, Du’lscar stood unimpressed,
Concentrating his attentions on how his lady was dressed.
She called her slave girl over to unfasten her long coat—
The Lady’s pining for her was getting the highblood’s goat.

She claimed to not have eye or ear but for her kismesis,
As he watched them, Orphaner Du’lscar faced internal crisis.
She’d succumbed to relaxation, and she tried to catch his eye—
But the mariner had made his choice and left with no “goodbye”.

And that night just before dawn he came and took the slave,
With servants of his own he had her bound to her own grave.
His rings, they clinked together with the sound of a sharp knife—
And the other troll just stared a silent plea to take her life.

Then Du’lscar gave the signal for his crew to flee the scene;
With a shot from Ahab’s Crosshairs the ground was soon stained green.
Abandoning his hate-lover, who’d finally got his goat;
He left her slave girl all alone, his cape flapping like her coat.

Then Spinneret, she gave a screech, that morn when to’er was said:
"I’m sorry to admit it, but your flushcrush, she is dead."
Dualscar he escaped with ease to give Mindfang away—
But when he went to GHB, the hunter became prey.

The giant troll pressed forward, grew closer with each breath;
Dualscar to his vast surprise was forced to early death.
He who a thousand victims had driven to that fate,
At the end of all his crimes tried to flee but he was too late.

Oh there was joy for all trolls when the news swept through the land;
Maroon- and tealbloods alike were dancing on the strand.
Grubs were roasted whole by trolls of different shades of blue,
And a day of celebration was brought forth for ev’ry hue.

-submitted by QuaxoRascal on Deviantart

Inspired by this wonderful fic by lizawithazed.

Images from MT+HK album art, the video for Fly, and this photoshoot from Bowman’s Tumblr, if you were curious.

And here’s a link to the poem in text form, if it’s hard to read the images.

Sonnetstuck, you're a bloody wonder, eminently practical and yet appropriate as always. Sonnetstuck, how I lived without you all these years I'll never know. <3

Attend the tale of sonnetstuck:
His tie was straight and his shirt was tucked.
He wrote the stories of kids and trolls,
And most of his meter was sound, on the whole.
He hoped his poems didn’t suck,
Did sonnetstuck,
The Homestuck poet of Tumblr.
<3

'Sup, everyone. So this Serenity poem that I wrote late last year has suddenly gotten really popular, which is great! But judging from the comments it’s been getting, it seems that at least some people have confused it for an actual panel of Homestuck, instead of the fan creation that it is. For reference, this is the unedited panel (Serenity is just saying “please…”). I wrote the poem, then translated it into Morse code and MS Paint’d it into the panel to make my post more visually interesting.

Yeah. Just wanted to clear that up. I wasn’t trying to deceive or fool anyone, and I’m sorry if people were confused by it. Of course, most of the people who reblogged it will never see this message, but… I don’t know. Maybe one or two people who are uncertain as to the panel’s veracity will click over to my blog, read this post, and become enlightened. (Of course, the fact that the poem is a sonnet originating from a blog called “sonnetstuck” which, as a cursory examination would show, publishes sonnets about Homestuck might be a hint as well.) But snarkiness aside, I hope that I didn’t cause too many people to question their memory skills or think that there’s some kind of canon foreshadowing that WV might somehow reach god-tier. So that’s that. New poems and submission soon. Sonnetstuck out.

(John seems awfully excited, and so he should, considering that he&#8217;s about to be trolled in Shakespearean style with loose iambic pentameter!)
-submitted by grimd0rk

(John seems awfully excited, and so he should, considering that he’s about to be trolled in Shakespearean style with loose iambic pentameter!)

-submitted by grimd0rk

Could we send poems your way even if we don't have a tumblr? I've got two I'd like to send (oddly enough, also based in Eliot's work), but I'm not sure if/ How I should send them.
Anonymous

Absolutely! I would love to put them up here.

As for the how, I’m not sure what would work best either. I believe that you have to have an account to use the submission page, and the ask box’s character limit makes it impractical. If you put it up elsewhere on the web (a google doc, AO3, pastebin, etc.), I could do a quick copy-and-paste to get it on here. That seems to be the most convenient to me. But if someone else has a better way, let me know.

Also, just let me know how you’d like me to attribute the poems to you. Or you can always remain anonymous if that’s what you prefer.

EDIT: Oh wait, I forgot, the ask box doesn’t like links. Hmm. Well, if you can’t reformat the link enough to get it to go through, let me know, and I can give you my email address. I’d rather not do that unless I have to, though.

there's this johndave smut sonnet on AO3. did you write it?
Anonymous

Nope, I can’t lay claim to any of the Homestuck poetry on AO3. In fact, I hadn’t even checked any of it out until you mentioned it. And I’m glad I did; there’s some pretty great stuff out there, sonnets and otherwise!