A pair of Homestuck poem parodies, starring Karkat and Eridan!
These are based on A.E. Housman’s famous poem, “A Shropshire Lad,” and Hugh Kingsmill’s almost-equally-famous parody of it, “What, Still Alive At Twenty-Two?”
(Housman’s poem was widely parodied. Ezra Pound even had a whack at it. But Kingsmill’s was the best.)
Without further ado:
WHEN I WAS ONLY SEVEN SWEEPS
I HEARD SOME FUCKASS SAY
‘GIVE COIN AND PAPER SPECIE
BUT NOT YOUR SPONGE AWAY;
GIVE OSTENTATIOUS MINERALS
BUT KEEP YOUR QUADRANTS FREE.’
BUT I WAS ONLY SEVEN SWEEPS,
NO USE TO TALK TO ME.
WHEN I WAS ONLY SEVEN SWEEPS
I HEARD HIM SHOOT HIS FLAP,
‘THE JUICE THAT DRIVES THE BLOODPUSHER
IS MIGHTY PRECIOUS SAP;
‘TIS DRAINED WITH ENDLESS CURSING
AND CLOTTED UP WITH RUE.’
AND NOW I’M EIGHT SWEEPS OLD, YOU SHITS,
AND IT IS *FUCKING TRUE.******
wwhat still alivve at eight swweeps old
an such a fancy fuckin troll
sure if youre too tough to drowwn
go on an cut your moirail dowwn
im guessin youll be pretty mad
wwhen they come to cull you lad
but plantsap aint the only pith
a sickle looks good drippin wwith
so wwhen the sun upends its pail
an pours wwhite light dowwn every vvale
trolls wwho still got grubleg scars
wwill lick their clawws an think a kar
What’s that I see on the horizon? Another submission by Tweedymcgee? Why, yes, I think it is! You guys will remember Tweedymcgee from “Gunga Dirk” and “The Love Song of J. Eridan Ampora,” two very, very wonderful additions to this blog. And now here comes a third (and fourth), based on A. E. Housman’s “A Shropshire Lad” and Hugh Kingsmill’s parody of it, “What, Still Alive at Twenty-Two?” So, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you another fantastic poem by Tweedymcgee; a friend to sonnetstuck, a sorcerer of words, and a Homestuck well worth a follow.
I figured I’d post the all-important link without all the other update-y stuff for your reblogging convenience.
Long story short for people who don’t follow me: I’m sonnetstuck, I’m editing all of Detective Pony, and this is the first chapter. Let me know what you think by sending me a message! (Also, my blog’s pretty cool, so you should check it out.)
First of all, it’s summertime! Which means less school, which means more poems. I know I’ve been very lax with my updates recently, but I’m finally going to have more time to write, and I’ve got a couple submissions to put up soon too. Also, I’m thinking I might dust off some of my very first poems, make them into snazzy images, and publish them as a “blast from the past” type thing, since most of my current followers weren’t around for the first few months of my blog, and may not have ever seen the oldest poems. (Side note: this blog’s been around for almost a year! Wow!)
And then, of course, there’s Detective Pony. As I mentioned a while ago, I’m working on Strider-izing all of Detective Pony, and it’s going quite well so far. The post-it note method was turning out to be pretty time-consuming, so I decided to move things into the twenty first century. Which means I spent most of yesterday transcribing Detective Pony into Word. Here it is in Google doc format, in case anyone is curious about what the actual contents of the book are or wants to use it in their own creative project of some kind.
Now the exciting part. I present to you, the first modified chapter of Detective Pony, with all its glorious Strider edits (Stredits?). This isn’t a final draft yet, but I’m pretty happy with what I’ve got. But what do you think? Do I have a handle on Dirk’s tone, or am I still missing some elements of it? Anything specific you think I should/shouldn’t have put in there? Does any part of it seem like it doesn’t fit? I want to make sure I have a good grasp on Dirk’s style before I really plunge into the later chapters (when it becomes all Dirk-text, and is “cathartic, in all the worst ways possible”). So give it a look, show it to your friends, and if you have any comments, I’d be really grateful if you dropped them in my ask box.
The long-term goal for this project is to finish the entire book (obviously) and end up with a physical copy with all the edits. Then I’m thinking I’ll scan the pages and post them online for you, maybe here, more likely in a separate side-blog just for Detective Pony. I could post it all at once, but I think it would be more fun to post a page or two each day. Also, I’m thinking I’ll have one of those ever-so-popular Tumblr raffles for the physical copy of the book.
I think that’s everything I wanted to mention. To sum up: more frequent updates over the summer, unedited Detective Pony here, first chapter edited Detective Pony here, and let me know what you think about the edits I’ve made. Thanks, guys!
Hey, guys! Just wanted to make a quick post to apologize for not updating for so long. You can blame the combination of the end of my semester, the opening weekend of a play I was doing tech work for, and general lack of inspiration. But there is one other reason: a new Big Project. This won’t be done in the near future, but it will be coming eventually. I bought something recently that might be of interest to you. It’s… well, rather than tell you, let me show you.
No, wait, that’s not right. That’s my Batterwitch 2xSpatula. Let me try again.
Yeah, that’s it. I’m going to Strider-ize all of Detective Pony. All of it. I’ve already started the process of defacing improving it, but right now I’m still in the preliminary stages. Here’s an example of the kind of thing I’ve done so far:
I’m working with post-it notes for the moment so I can get a feel for how my new text will relate to the space on the page; obviously, when I finalize everything, I’ll replace all of it with orange typescript. I have almost no drawing skills, but I’ll try to get some illustrations in there too. I’m not very far in the book yet, but I’m having a lot of fun. Of course, “…about halfway through the book, rather than see the gag through to the bitter end, Strider began pasting over entire pages of original text with his own completely rewritten version of the story, while keeping all the chapter titles. His revision is a tough, emotionally draining read. But it’s cathartic, in all the worst ways possible.” So eventually, I’ll have to switch from editing mode to creating mode; I’m not sure whether that will make things go faster or slower. (I may or may not include the Acorn’s Shadow sonnet I wrote for this blog in the final project. It depends on what direction my story takes.)
Anyway, this isn’t my top priority at the moment, and it won’t be done for quite a while (it’ll be at least a couple months), so don’t hold your breath. But in the meantime, I’ll keep bringing you more of those sonnets you’ve come to know and love tolerate.
